The Mind's I


Though I've tried before to tell her
of the feelings I have for her in my heart
every time that I come near her
I just lose my nerve
as I've done from the start

Every little thing she does is magic
everything she do just turns me on
even though my life before was tragic
now I know my love for her goes on

Do I have to tell the story
of a thousand rainy days since we first met
but it's always me that ends up getting wet

I resolved to call her up a thousand times a day
and ask her if she'll marry me in some old fashioned way
but my silent fears have gripped me
long before I reach the phone
long before my tongue has tripped me
must I always be alone

Every little thing she does is magic
everything she do just turns me on
even though my life before was tragic
now I know my love for her goes on
--The Police
"Every Little Thing She Does is Magic"

This is one of my favorite songs. Recently, I've been hearing this song for a commercial for a new movie. I have no idea what movie it is. The song is sung by a woman in the ad. It reminds me a lot of Frente's version of "Bizarre Love Triangle", which I think is great. The reason why I love this song so much is because it's such a "happy" tune. I hear it and I just have to dance.


To not let fear stand in my way of what is right and good for me.
--Tori of ScribeTribe

Knowing others is wisdom;
knowing the self is enlightenment.
Mastering others requires force;
mastering the self requires strength.
--Lao Tsu #33, Tao Te Ching

A place for people to submit their stories about their first love. Should I submit? Who would I write about? I think that Mike is the first guy that I am in genuine love with, but when I was younger, I thought I was in love. I had that illusion of being in love when I was really in lust or in adoration and I was just too young to recognize it. Which would count? Opinions?

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January 2, 19989
Everything Changes...

Welcome to Nutley, NJ
Happy New Year, Constant Reader! 1999 is upon us and I hope that it's a good year for you and yours. Heck, I hope that it is a good year for myself. 1998 was both a happy and sad year for me. I left many friends over in Illinois and I had to face the fear of making new friends here in the east coast. I left the security of complete independence and the life of a small-town Illinois college town for the unpredictability and tension of one of the biggest cities in the world. I was starting a new job making over three times what I was making in Urbana-Champaign. Els had a lot of problems in late 1997 and early 1998 and now she's much better than she used to be. Things are goin' great. And they're only gettin' better...

I don't believe in New Years resolutions, since I agree with Mike that if something needs to be changed in my life, I start changing it and don't wait for January 1st to make those much-needed adjustments. However, I decided to make a few changes in my lifestyle after considerable reflection. I've decided to try and become more active. Get up and walk every once in a while. Don't go on a diet, but eat less and more veggies. I've got to start taking care of my health... otherwise I won't live until 35. It's a good sign that my muscles needs more work when I actually start enjoying backrubs. In general, I don't care for people touching me unless I'm flirting with them... now I'm actually enjoying it. Maybe I'm just getting old. <cratchety old woman look>

I have no photograph of myself from either yesterday or today, so you'll just have to do with a "Nutley" sign that I took on the way home from the cemetary. Mike and I went to the cemetary yesterday as part of our "resolution" to get out and do more exercising. We wandered for about an hour and a half or two hours. I took two photos yesterday. Cemetary The other is this photograph of the flags lining the path to the armed services memorial. I remember when I was younger, my mom took me here on Memorial Day. It was beautiful to see the long expanse of flags. Now that I'm older, it didn't seem too amazing when I looked over the same plot of land today. One's perceptions are always colored by emotions when you're younger, I suppose. Today looking out on the field, I found myself being a bit emotional. It's moving to look at all the graves of the men that served our country, especially those that died in its service. It reminds me a lot of Sullivan Ballou. I think we would have stayed longer if it wasn't bitingly cold. And Mike doesn't have gloves.

We started talking about what we would like regarding our deaths. If Mike was young, he would want his body to be used for transplants and the rest of it brought to medical science. I would want the same. I don't want to end up as one of those bodies studied by medical students in gross anatomy, but I am interested in having the usable parts of my body to be used by others who need them. I'd like to become immortal in some way. That's one more reason to why I write: with every word I put down, I become more immortal in my own way.


Yesterday, I became an official member of 32 flavors. They have such interesting projects and I'm glad to become a member of this great group. I've been assigned "Crunchy". It means that my journal is "for those journals that you get so sucked into, are in-depth and full of content". Get sucked into me, baby! I recognize that I'm writing it a lot for you, Constant Reader, my audience. I'm hoping that you can get a taste of me. I'm also writing for myself. My memory is just so bad, anything that can help would be a Good Thing(tm).

I also established the core group for On Display yesterday. It will consist of myself, Kevin, tasha, nicole, and Tao. Elizabeth is on as advisor. We're a diverse crew and I think we'll do a good job in maintaining On Display. We're off to an enthusiastic start for 1999!


Today, Mike and I went to Barnes and Noble to spend his gift certificate that my parents gave him for Christmas. Unfortunately, he didn't find anything great there: all the books that he was looking for were gone. However, I did find a number of great finds. I purchased a large book that the paper is made out of dried plant material and wood pulp. I also got photo corners. Using both of them, I will put business cards of places I've been to in the book as a record of the places Mike and I go. I've got to find some place to put all of my business cards!

Kevyn Aucoin
Sexi and talented Kevyn Aucoin
© Copyright alt.culture

While I was there, I also picked up Kevyn Aucoin's newest book Making Faces. I saw him on Oprah Winfrey doing "movie star makeovers" on famous and nonfamous people.. and he is amazing. His techniques are wonderful and if I went back to wearing makeup, I would probably use his techniques. It's amazing how he can transform people of one "look" to another. This was a total impulse buy. I just wanted to see the book...
Making Faces
The beautiful book
© Copyright
but then I decided to grab it up as well. I also purchased a book of paper quilling for Els. It talks about how you can roll up pieces of paper and make beautiful designs and patterns with them. It looks like it requires a lot of patience but the results are beautiful. I might take it up. Then again, I should go back and work with my crossstitch some more. So many outlets for me to be creative and where I want to be creative but not enough to indulge in everything...

I look back at the title that I gave this entry. I wanted to find the quote to a song that keeps tumbling in my head, but all I remember is that the line "Everything changes" is in it. Everything changes.. cha cha cha changes! I couldn't find it. Anyone have a clue?

© Copyright 1999, Eileene Coscolluela