The Mind's I


We live in an old chaos of the sun,
Or old dependency of day and night,
Or island solitude, unsponsored, free,
Of that wide water, inescapable.
-- Wallace Stevens, "Sunday Morning"

Go deeper than love, for the soul has greater depths,
love is like grass, but the heart is deep wild rock
molten, yet dense and permanent.

Go down to your deep old heart, and lose sight of yourself.
And lose sight of me, the me, the me whom you turbulently loved.

Let us lose sight of ourselves, and break the mirrors.
For the fierce curve of our lives is moving again to the depths
out of sight, in the deep living heart.
-- D.H. Lawrence, "Know Deeply, Know Thyself More Deeply"


The Virtual Fishtank
I think this is the site that details a museum that I saw on a snippet of news on the television. The TV talked about an exhibit that was being set up where computer generated fish would float around and behave in certain ways and that people who visit the exhibit can create their own computer-generated life-forms. Interesting.

She offered to take me to see Star Wars on opening night today, especially since Mike will probably refuse to take me on opening weekend. I think I might take her up on that offer. This is her online journal. It's a cool read.

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December 3, 1998
Beautiful women and bisexuality
EileeneI spent the morning picking apart some code that creates a random image in Domino. I sent a few job leads (freelance) over to Andria Wolfe, Keith's apprentice and I decided over lunch to surf her website. I really like the title and it follow's Iko's Guide to Domain Names. Plus, it highlights what she does for a living: stage lighting design. That's a fascinating career, primarily because it is something that I know absolutely zero about and also something that I think I would greatly lack the talent in doing well. I spent my lunch hour surfing her site and discovered many beautiful treasures on it. I found the two snippets of poetry on her site about her wedding ceremony. It was very beautifully done (the site, and the wedding!) and there are a number of things that she put into the ceremony that I would suggest for other people's weddings. Like, the first 10 minutes of the marriage was spent by the couple being together and alone by themselves. I loved that. There are some wonderful pictures on the site, but nothing as flattering as the real thing, IMHO. She's very very beautiful (he's not so bad looking himself!). I read about how they were part of the 24 hours in Cyberspace project. I think that's very cool.

I put up another new site! (Requisite groans from the audience.) Someone asked me for my desktop Star Wars theme that I made for the new Episode 1 coming out and I was planning on emailing the bitmap file to her. Well, my mail is screwy, so I decided to pop it on a website where she can download it. So, what's a file without a beautiful cover to it too? So, I slapped on a few graphics together and came up with a new website, Images from Iko. Tell me what you think!

On Diary-l, we started talking about Ani DiFranco, to which I commented that I was introduced to Ani by way of Alana Davis' cover of "32 Flavors". I prefer Ms. DiFranco's version over Ms. Davis' but, I do give Ms. Davis some recognition as she introduced me to Ani (independent of my sister's obsession with her). That started the discussion that Ms. Davis changed omitted a verse because of its "bisexual undertones". I took it upon myself to do a little search for the lyrics to find out what verse Ms. Davis' omitted. Here it is:

both my parents taught me about good will and I have done well by their names just the kindness I've lavished on strangers is more than I can explain still there's many who've turned out their porch lights just so I would think they were not home and hid in the dark of their windows til I'd passed and left them alone

Can you even see a hint of bisexuality in that? <shrug>

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, but I'm a member of the Helen Mirren Appreciation Society (officially sanctioned by Ms. Mirren Herself!) and we had a game today called "Helen's Keepers". We were to pick parts of her that we would keep "safe" and would "protect". My keepers were: her piercings (I know she's got her earlobes pierced, and I believe her breasts are not because I've seen her bare breasts on screen and they don't look pierced. Then again, I've not gotten a close look), her wit, and her Shakespearian acting talent. I'm allowed one more thing this year and two more when the new year rolls around, but I can't think of anything particularly interesting at the moment. She's got a number of new films coming out... perhaps I'll get something from one of them. One of her new movies is a dark comedy about a group of students that want to off their teacher (played by Herself). It sounds intriguing. Almost anything that Herself does is intriguing. I love beautiful British women!

I remember when I was in high school and was a questioning young woman. I then nestled myself in the camp of "bisexuality" and was quite proud of it. However, I started to rethink my feelings and when I got into college, was a very out heterosexual with an appreciation of the female form. I don't believe I could have a truly meaningful relationship with a woman, although I do admire them from a distance (and sometimes.. ahem.. from not so far a distance). I would miss the company of men too much, be too tempted to become bored and go astray, while with a man (especially Mike), I'm not bored at all. These days, I've decided to remain pretty much ambiguous about my sexuality. It's not so important to me anymore. I'm a person who loves and adores other people, men and women. Sometimes, I'll slap the label of heterosexual on myself, primarily to keep other people from being confused. Also, I don't think that the bi camp would be fully appreciative of my attitudes of my chosen relationships (all heterosexual). I'm a bi-camp reject. <grin> There is also a great need for "out heterosexuals" parading for glbt rights, so I decide to be vocal in that respect. Am I cheating myself? Am I being less than honest? Labels are too confining for me when it comes to sexual orientation, and the benefits of labeling myself to the outside world as a "heterosexual" in terms of promoting the movement outweigh the benefits of labeling myself a "bisexual". I'm probably about halfway between heterosexual and bisexual on the Kinsey scale. I hope I didn't spook you out any, Constant Reader.

I've added a new section to my entries. Surfing. I surf the web all the time (well, not all the time. I am a hard worker!) and I find all these cool websites that I really shouldn't bookmark, because then it will become tremendously unmanagable. So, I have opted to add the cool links I discover in a bar on the side so that I can probably visit them later. If you visit them, come back here sometime in your suring adventures, 'k? Unless I spooked you out too much...

© Copyright 1998, Eileene Coscolluela