The Mind's I


"I am big. It's the pictures that got small."
Gloria Swanson in Sunset Boulevard

"It's funny how, oftentimes, the people you love the most are given the least margin of error."
-- Elizabeth Berg What We Keep

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November 20, 1998
Dreaming and Death

It's cold! You can't see it in the photograph, but the air is delightfully crisp this morning. I loved how my breath floats like smoke on a cold, frosty morning. But first, a note on yesterday...

I've been reading the journal (off and on) of Steve Brumbaugh. I discovered Steve's journal in its earlier incarnation when he talked about leaving the doldrums of rural Ohio to enter Harvard University. I found the design of his first site (a church with a graveyard) fascinating, especially since reading his journal, the design and the content didn't seem to quite go together. (Ok, call me sexist, but the design struck me as a very feminine one at the time). I subscribed to his mailing list and yesterday, I received a notice that his most recent entry was in real audio. I was intrigued! I've never encountered that before in a journal and I eagerly turned my browser to the site and upped the volume to listen.

I guess I'm one who gets turned on by cool stuff like having a real audio journal entry, but I suppose I am hooked on this journal. It was fascinating to hear his voice. I even got Els to come over and listen to it. I think I played it about a half dozen times. I then succumbed to the temptation and wrote him a letter. I figured that a relaxed, conversational style would be the best. Make it chatty and get the letter to capture your voice, Iko, I told myself. If he finds the voice interesting (which would lead to him finding me interesting), then so be it. Otherwise, c'est la vie! I wrote him a lengthy letter praising him on his voice, reminiscing about Allen Hall and roommates in dorms, on style sheets and majors. It rambled. I didn't expect him to write back, but lo and behold, he did! He encouraged me to keep on writing (Oo, another victim!) It's nice to make new aquaintences online.

I finished the We(d)n(e)sday Question du Jour website for ScribeTribe. It took me a long time to find an image that would represent a journal that I liked. I kept picking up photographs of quills and pens and they didn't look quite right. I found the photograph for the site on those CDs that I purchased with the stock photographs. I am really beginning to like that investment.

On Dreaming...
Well, it looks like I am going to be writing an opinion article for Metajournals. This time, it is going to be a positive piece on dreams in journals, while Blunt will write the negative piece on dreams in journals. He edited my Interconnected Lives article, so I'm kind of daunted by the task, but I think I'll do ok. I've been scanning the web for relevant articles and have found many dream journals, many lacking any analysis of the dreams. I didn't care much for that. There was no springboard into self-exploration, which is the point that I'm taking. My thesis is: Journals with dreams are relevant and good as long as they are used for introspection.

On Death...
I found out today from CNN that Jack Kevorkian will be featured on 60 Minutes on Sunday. He will be administering a lethal injection to a patient. Wow. I find this both extremely brave and extremely stupid. I am all for the right to die, the right to move on when we believe our time is up so that we won't be a burden to our families. The right to die for terminally ill patients that have placed all their affairs in order and want to relieve their family of the pain and suffering and medical bills that go along with a terminal disease. I comment Dr. Kevorkian for sticking to his principles and the belief that a doctor's duty is not just to cure patients, but help relieve suffering and pain, even if that means terminating their life on their request. But I think to do it in such a public form is demeaning in a way. I fear that people will find it disrespectful of the patient. I think it would have been wiser if the family of the deceased were to come forward with the tape, Dr. Kevorkian close but silent at their side. I think he will get convicted and imprisoned for this one. He might even starve to death (according to his plan if they imprison him). Then he will be a martyr for the right to life movement... maybe. There is something too extreme in his tactics that leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Sometimes the extreme is needed to give those with moderate views, like myself, legitimacy. I admire Dr. Kevorkian, but I think I shall do so from afar.

© Copyright 1998, Eileene Coscolluela