The oldest entry that you can find in this journal quotes the song, Brazil. It's the theme song for the movie of the same name. The movie is one of my favorite movies of all time. I never tire of watching it, never fail to have my heart skip a beat the first time I glimpse Jonathan Pryce's smile, and never fail to be disconcerted by its ending -- not knowing whether I should cry or laugh. It's a classic. I consider it a "thinking man's movie" because it can be the catalyst for involved and fascinating discussion.
My thoughts turn towards Brazil because of my recent purchase of The Battle of Brazil: Terry Gilliam vs. Universal Pictures in the Fight to the Final Cut by Jack Matthews. I finished reading the story and the accompanying screenplay today. I admire Terry Gilliam for his irreverance portrayed in the book. I admire artists, creators. Their visions are what I envy. I long for them. I itch for such creativity and enlightenment.
Speaking of enlightenment, I find myself more and more interested in Buddhism. I needed to take a break around 2 or so at work and I went to Barnes and Noble (where I purchased two new books: one is a cheezy science fiction book that sounds like a combination of the Matrix and Ender's Game and the other is a nonfiction book on string theory... call me a nerd!). I noticed that I was looking at the new books on Buddhism. We have several at home and I am considering looking through them and giving a read. My Flower & Willow project talks about faith and belief and it seems to be coming at an appropriate time. I'm transitioning from Wicca to Eastern religion and thought.
I'm not turning to it for God... but more for enlightenment (understanding) and knowledge. At heart, I am an atheist. I do not believe in a "God" as most religions define a supreme entity. The God or the Goddess are tools by which we can understand our own divinity (potential for reaching perfection.. not divinity in the formal sense). Yes, I am butchering the english language. I'm not an eloquent writer. I'm still searching. I love the search, but at the same time, there is a part of me that feels unquenched. It will sometimes be temporarily quenched, but it seeks after a while. Being an atheist for so many years satisfied it, but there is still a longing for searching. The Quest. I feel like a Crusaider searching for the Grail. I am always looking for answers. Perhaps that also explains my book on string theory purchase. I want to understand more of the world around me.
I'm a knowledge junkie.
I've put up the introduction for the Flower & Willow Project plus have established the permanent (crosses fingers) look for the website. I will be putting up bios of the participants this weekend. Exciting!
I am so honored to be working with such a fine collection of women journallers.