I no longer remember a time when I was innocent.

I must have been, unaware of the birds and the bees and the unspoken of places that are below my waist and above my knees. Logically, I must have. Perhaps, I first saw this region of my body as what I use in the bathroom. A necessary evil to being human. Those days have long gone from my memory and only vague snippets reside in my brain. What's left are purely emotions and still images. I'm not sure what I knew back then, except for what my relatives tell me of my first four years. They say that I was a bright kid. I had a near-photographic memory and could give accurate directions a place I've been only once. But that was over 20 years ago in a place thousands of miles from where I am now.

I always recognized this region of my body was the sacred place that made me female and a girl instead of a boy. I remember at age five, I was aware of the egg and sperm. Eggs from girls and sperm from boys, but exactly how they get together (in the mama), I was in the dark about. Those Charlie Brown question books that my parents bought me that described biological functions didn't contain the in-between parts. They never talked about

sex

or love or intercourse. It was all sterile information. Filtering out all mention of those three letters. s. e. x. I no longer remember if they mention penis and vagina. I tried to dig up those books, but they've long since left my shelves.

Coming from an Asian background, my parents never talked to me about it. Some say that the explanation of the birds and the bees marks the end of innocence. By the first time someone explained sex to me, I had long since left my innocence.



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  Eileene